This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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