I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
