U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
