I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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