Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
