wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
