Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
