Screwed.edu
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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