So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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