U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
