i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
