I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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