I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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