Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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