Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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