I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
