What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
