just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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