but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
