Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
