drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
