So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.