yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.