Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.