I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
