i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.