also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"