You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
