Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
