I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
