My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
