direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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