i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
