We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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