I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
