So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
