so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
