My friends, they love my intelligence
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
