super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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