There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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