i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
