oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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