We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
