She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
