I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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