I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
