He uses pillows to masturbate.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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