accomplished twins. life is a go
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
