just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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