i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
