mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We left an ass print on the piano.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
