Betty ford says i'm here all night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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