i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
