It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
