Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
