You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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