i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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