Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
