gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
