I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize