Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
