Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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