I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
