we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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