A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
