Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Someone signed my nipple.
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