Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
