what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
