I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
