we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
