handjob tips. give me some.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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