I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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