I like to think it a success when the cops are called
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
