Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
