$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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