Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
