Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
God I need to hump something, right now.
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