so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
