So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
