I'm laying in your front yard are you home
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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