between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Randomize
