i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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