Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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